“Letter from a Berlingham Room”

18 Aug

18 August 2011

My Dear Fellow Nacho Friends:

While confined here in my Berlin city room, I recall your recent unknowingness about my recent activities which you might call “unwise and untimely.” Seldom do I pause to inform you about any of my work or ideas. If I sought to address everything that happens to me, my lagging computer would have little processing power left for anything other than such exposition, and I would have no time for watching television. But since I feel that you are friends of genuine curiosity and that your unknowingness is sincerely set forth, I want to try to tell you my story of Ramen Nachos in what I hope will be complex and bewildering terms.

Some time ago I had a great brainstorming with IDM about a food we’d been eating a lot of – Ramen. We considered the limited possibilities such as stir-fried Ramen, deep fried Ramen, slow roasted Ramen, Ramen cooked with very little water, and Ramen not cooked at all but broken into tiny pieces and eaten dry with some contents of the seasoning packet. Finally, like the last lemming falling off a cliff, a thought came to me: “Ramen nachos!”

Months later, with a vague anticipation and boredom urging me on, I set out to make my Ramen nachos. The first attempt went like this:

  • Ingredients
    • Half sheet of ramen
    • 8 tablespoons of water
    • Seasoning and oil packets
    • One fist sized Mozzarella cheese ball
    • Hot sauce
    • Black pepper
  • Preparation
    • Combine seasoning and oil packets with water, mix thoroughly
    • Place Ramen in baking dish and add broth
    • Thinly slice Mozzarella and place on top of Ramen
    • Cook in the oven at 270 degrees Celsius for 25 minutes or until cheese is melted and golden

The noodles were soggy, but held together by a network of cheesiness. So, an innovative venture with some success and some failure.

But I wasn’t thrilled.

After sharing my ugly plate of Ramen nachos with IDM I decided to Google the term “Ramen nachos.” Several results returned, including the Urban Dictionary (term not yet defined), Tummy Yummies (“A place for all things that are yummy for your tummy,” including an intriguing recipe for a cheese, beef, and ramen nacho topping, or dip, or something), and then The Ramen Rater (a guy who catalogues and rates various types of Ramen).

Pay attention now, because I am finally coming to the meat of my “unwise and untimely” events that you have so far possessed a great unknowingness of. The Ramen Rater had an entry about what he called “Spicy Ramen Nachos.” Within the post was a picture of a bowl of Ramen containing guacamole, sour cream, and hot sauce. He was dipping a tortilla chip into the bowl, simulating a nacho experience. I left a comment and got a response:

“What is it that qualifies something as Nachos?” The Ramen Rater had set me up for success.

Logical, informed, and with a jovial tone – my case was made. The Ramen Rater would have to accept the challenge or face E-Huiliation.

I know what you’re thinking. “Lame… show him your credentials,” and “finish him!” And he didn’t even mention the Ramen Nacho duel! It’s on. I made another batch of Ramen nachos, and I won’t bore you with the patented recipe, but I will tell you that they were a huge fucking success.

After noshing nachos with IDM I went to The Urban Dictionary and made it official: Ramen Nachos.

How’s that for “credential of nacho know how”? I put my Ramen nacho picture and document in my “back pocket” and gave it one more try with The Ramen Rater.

How can anyone say no to such an awesome and fun duel? This guy:

Poo, poo? A lot of talk? Bureaucrat? Those are the words of a scared blogger, running from a duel he would likely lose. I understand, Mr. Ramen Rater, that it’s easier to feign contempt for my lack of “credentials” than to step up to the challenge. My offer is still on the table, awaiting your kind acknowledgment.

Yours for the cause of Ramen and Nachos, Jason Graham Fox.

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10 Responses to ““Letter from a Berlingham Room””

  1. Hans "The Ramen Rater" Lienesch August 18, 2011 at 11:19 pm #

    A scared blogger eh? Jesus shit, man… Don’t you talk to me about tummy yummies that ramen nacho shit looks just as unpalatable as the stuff I had made and looks much more like pizza than anything. What you have there are not tortilla chips as required by the recipe but bastardized ramen effigies. I give you the true gift of the foods that aren’t meant to be eaten. Against my better judgement, I offer up the sacrilicious recipe for Glomar.

    Glomar.

    1 pkg Premium / Zesta / Generic (NEVER RITZ) Saltine Crackers
    6 strips Bacon
    1 stick Butter

    Make the bacon – make it perfectly crispy. Not overdone, not underdone.

    Smash the crackers into bite-sized pieces; not powder or crumbs but a little bigger than that.

    Heat the butter in a measuring cup til melted.

    Put crackers in 8×8 glass dish – microwave safe if you please.

    Pour 1/4 of the butter uniformaly over the crackers and stir it up with a wooden spoon. Microwave 3 minutes.

    Add another 1/4 of the butter and this time add the bacon – in crumbled form. Microwave 3 more minutes

    Add the next 1/4 stick and stir. Microwave 2 minutes.

    Add the last of the butter and microwave two more minutes.

    Stir a lot and let it sit.for a minute so it stops emitting heat that is insane. Eat it. Go slow. This stuff will make you sleepy.

    Now that, my friend is a true amazing recipe. I challenge you to try it at some point if you like – it’s some holy insanity.

    http://www.ramenrater.com is about rating instant noodles primarily.

  2. Hans "The Ramen Rater" Lienesch August 18, 2011 at 11:21 pm #

    http://www.cdkitchen.com/recipes/recs/57/Ramen-Nachos100186.shtml
    huh? wtf is this eh? perhaps i’m not the only one who disagrees… i think there’s room for all ramen nachos, don’t you? poo poo on your nacho arrogance; a true party foul!

  3. Will August 19, 2011 at 9:13 am #

    All of this pales in comparison to Ghetto Tamales

    • jasonbox August 19, 2011 at 9:57 am #

      Hors d’oeuvre: Ramen Nachos with Mozzarella, smoked gouda, guacamole, and a pico de gallo

      Main course: Ghetto Tamales served in authentic Doritos bag and Newspaper wrapping

      Desert: ?

    • Mo August 20, 2011 at 11:51 pm #

      I love this man. Even in the ghetto, he was concerned about my safety and making sure I wasn’t going to burn myself with the most technical part of this recipe, getting the tamale out of the authentic Dorito bag. I can’t wait for the follow-up video – Revealing and Eating a Ghetto Tamale. Oh boy!

      -Mo

  4. Andrew August 31, 2011 at 12:32 pm #

    Dishes that look very appetizing. Your blog is very interesting! Pass by here more often.

    See ya!

    Andrew.

    • jasonbox August 31, 2011 at 1:19 pm #

      Glad you liked the Ramen Nachos. I never imagined anyone would find them appetizing, but there’s always room for surprise!

  5. Kai September 5, 2011 at 2:19 pm #

    *Mortal Kombat Voice*
    FINISH HIM!
    You win.

  6. Hans "The Ramen Rater" Lienesch September 10, 2011 at 8:59 pm #

    Hello –

    Just thought I’d let you know – The Ramen Rater [ http://www.ramenrater.com ] has just hit its 500th review today with Mexi-Ramen’s Soupless Ramen: Shallot Teriyaki flavor.

    Let the masses know!

    – Hans Lienesch
    The Ramen Rater

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